May 19, 2010

One year ago,today, I ruined my entire life. The day started out fine. I then found myself frustrated with following him around his house, all afternoon. First, he sat on his computer and then went upstairs to play the piano. I honestly think I fell in love with him when I first saw him play; the smile that falls upon his face, the way his eyes close and the rest of his body becomes enveloped with the music, the way his fingers dance across the keyboard. I was enjoying his harmony until he abruptly stopped. He went outside to water his garden. I followed. Still, no words were spoken. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to say...I didn't know what was bothering him!
~We had gone out for a hike before all of this. Of coarse he brought his camera, but I never considered myself the model. With not knowing what he was trying to accomplish on this hike, he 'got nothing'.  He never communicated very well; in fear of what I would think about his work?...It would have been better than leaving me in the dark for all of those months. He recently  looked back on the pics that he did capture that day. "...that's in comparison to what Weston captured." So something was accomplished, in disguise, with something ruined in the same day. ~

I left to pick up some of his favorite food, and when i returned he had already left. The only response  I received was find me. WTF!? Ash called me moments later. We decided to go to a friends house. She said, "take a shot, forget about him!" -OK.  Shot after shot after shot; all i wanted,still, was to see him! They let me drive?...Next day in hell!!!

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