Apr 30, 2010

Something I wrote five years ago!!!

'Everybody feels comfortable in their own skin. They are more likely to do; anything, if no one's around judging them. I feel that everyone should act as though no one's watching; no body's judging you. Do not worry about what others think. Act as you want and feel comfortable, people can't judge happiness. Do what makes you happy. Live the moment.'
~completely relates to what I have been dealing with in these past few months; Don't comment on my life with your negativity. Just because you watched me grow up, or had grown up with me doesn't mean that you know me now. The only response to my work I will respect is that of positivity from those I love. And if you love me, you will love what I do.

~Odd. I came across this while reminiscing through some old school projects, with my grandparents. This little saying I conjured up was for a book which consisted of sayings for photographs that I had taken. I had passed my history class...through photography!? Maybe I am supposed to pursue this more than I have been lately.



Stuck watching old family home movies...Listening to my grandmother sing show tunes...and trying to prepare dinner for all! ...And I don't even eat meat let alone know how to prepare it. Hope nobody gets sick. LMFAO

Kill me, now.

Another car crash on HWY 243

"My Boss" was on his way home last night from work and decided to take the more dangerous side of the mountain to get to the freeway. He lives somewhere in LA and commutes everyday! Usually I'm at work  and he asks me for my opinion depending on the weather...He drives hella fast and doesn't take the wet roads into consideration...Obviously! So he took the HWY to banning. OK...so about twenty miles down he slips out and crashes off the road. I got a phone call today asking if I was ready to serve...HELL YEAH!!! He's in the hospital with six broken ribs,a  broken leg and a punctured lung. Bad for him...but sooo good for me. I'm barely making my car payments, and now i have all these hours on top of  finally being able to serve!  Thank You Universe...Everything always seems to work itself out! Live in the moment; Be Happy; Love All.

Get well Justin, my prayers are with you.
"If He was human, the ego would have prevented His absolute attention given to others."  RB
'Money is only a commodity of exchange.."

" One day it's here: the next it's gone."
I need to get out of this town.
Nope...no one is ever there when i truly need them.

Apr 29, 2010

Researching for a private villa, with a yard, in the desert... Hot. I don't know what I'm doing now. LA seems to be the ideal dream for me: I've always wanted to live there, but now it's too far away to be alone. OK. I'm just being childish...I could make it alone if I wanted to; I could start stripping. LMFAO.
OK...So a little too much sun!? Now I have to find somewhere that I can tan nude. Fuck!

Apr 28, 2010

Finally ready for bed at a decent hour!

My day started with ignorance in Banning. I never thought using a credit card to pay for gas  would be so difficult for the cashier! She looked at my card as if it were a calculus quiz.  Then I went over to Starbucks for a delayed caffeine fix. The menu consisted of four different types of coffee drinks! Don't get me wrong, the more simple the coffee the better, but I did expect them to have the all fifty ridiculous styles of  'their spin' on Italian coffee. I wonder what happened to this chain. ?

Then, to kill time, I went to the hot springs for a much needed tanning session before the THREE HOUR Planned Parenting App. !?!? It was the most odd doctor's office I have ever been in. There was a glass guard between the receptionist and the patient and you had to speak to her through a two way phone that was hanging on the wall....Am I in jail!?

Then to the grocery store to get dinner for the family...Parent's 26th Anniversary. 


Apr 27, 2010

Grandparents all week.  


Trying to schedule some shoots.

Exhausted...And to top it off, Mom's more stressed than I've seen her in years. The thought of my in-laws coming to visit makes her sick to her stomach. It seems that no matter what I do to help her, whether it be cleaning the entire house or making all the family get together arrangements and dinners, it just doesn't help her emotionally...After 25 yrs of marriage it seems like she'd just get used to them!?
The next day, in hell... I went with Lub to take his son to a little league baseball practice. The coach never showed but some of the other children did, so we played along. I was helping one of the toddlers practice his stance with the bat, and without a ball in sight he swung!?...Fuck, right into my knee! Lub made sure I had ice on it all afternoon and today I'm walking with a limp. That child has an amazing arm! 
They always seem to be fighting about something. Grow the fuck up, you're ruining my night! 

I want her ass, the one on the right.
As I waited for some drunks to sober up and leave my couch, this guy that I had met a couple of weeks ago who wasn't invited either, asked if I minded that he stayed. Why?... He told me he didn't feel right leaving me alone with drunk dudes passed out in my house while I was home alone. Awh. That's one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me in a long time. We stayed up till seven in the morning, just talking and laughing about work, life and relationships. Ends up he was on my Dad's Hot Shot crew a year ago...Something in common. I've always despised that type of guy. He was different.  

Still don't remember his name!!! lol

After a long night at work on Friday, I came home to a car blasting trance..."Where have you been?" I got changed out of my work clothes, in between shots of vodka, and went out to celebrate Chez's birthday. These girls will be the end of me someday!

After some local bar scene action, I invited them back to my house...I pulled up to six other cars parked around my house!...WTF? I LOVE this town! HAH.  

Where's my man to regulate when I need him!?!?

Apr 23, 2010

Happy Birthday, Chez Roll!
I found him while shoveling snow off my drive way. I shall call him squishy...what do caterpillars eat?

Dental appointment this morning...I mean dental disappointment. I was told today I have to have my wisdom teeth removed ASAP, before they ruin the thousands of dollars my parents spent on braces!

Wine and food tasting at 3pm for our new menu...AGAIN. FUCK! I just had the old menu memorized!

Then I have the house to myself all weekend...Use your imagination!

Apr 22, 2010

There has always been something that drives me...knowing someone is watching or knowing that someone could walk through the door at any moment. Anyway, Kitchen sex is the best to it's fullest. It's the worst feeling to see him drive away; even if  you know you'll see the him later..FUCK WORK!!!...Mmmm. My legs are still shaking!


...setting the stage for the next act of  a reoccurring drama that possibly began in November of 2008.

I never used to pay that much attention to my horoscope till a few weeks ago. And they have lived out to  be  terrifyingly true.

Apr 21, 2010


Cut my wrist, I'll learn to die
I'll say a prayer and learn to fly
All I ask is to take me away from this place
Wrap my body in lavender lace
Send my ashes off to sea
     and let my body lay with thee
Even if it's my heartbeat that you'll seek
My spirit will always be
You'll find me in someone
    Even if it's in the rising sun
Just look hard enough and you will find 
    something that's greater than mine
We never leave, we are always here
Keep me in your dreams 
And I'll always be near
Even if you wish me away, I will lay there with you
When the sun falls upon your eyes...
Through that wonder of a window...I'll be gone
The absence of you is spoken in every love song
Sirens scream, as they reach my street
Those sirens will be for me...sooner than late 
My heart has been lost within fate
Every place. Every song.
     Every photograph haunts me...I can't go on
Life's left in ruins
Unless, to my heart, you'll find the key... 

Just let me rest in peace.
Jesus should move his birthday to the spring season. Then we could finally have a white Christmas. Come on, there are more than just Christians who celebrate that day. I even know some Jews, Muslims and Jehovah Witnesses who celebrate 'christmas'. ...God is everyone and everyone is God; no matter the form you percive him as.

He's been calling me a few days out of the week. Updating me on his broken arm. Almost every year he breaks something while snowboarding and I'm usually the one who takes care of him. Not this year! Well, I guess I am in some way; helping him through the pain, with words.

I don't remember Lub being there that night!
Hold it down, Chez Roll!


Time to bring out the uggs and snow jackets!

Sadly woke up this morning, and to snow? SERIOUSLY!? It's April, right? WTF happened to spring?
Jinx is the most odd cat I have ever owned. He loves to be out in the rain and snow! And if he's stuck inside, he just lays on the windowsill and meows...it's not a peaceful meow, it's more like a scream!

Apr 13, 2010


Please do not comment on my horizon lines, lol.

We made it down in time for sunset on the beach. But not in time to escape the jumping bugs. The last trail we were on was pretty overgrown in some parts. There were hundreds of tiny black bugs falling from the trees like raindrops, clinging on to us, towards the end.  Ewww, RUN!

Surprise Adventure

I received a text yesterday morning saying Let's go. Bathing suit and towels. About 1/4 mile down the road I just had to ask where we were going, I knew we were scouting out locations for shooting, but where? We ended up driving up and down the coast. I was ecstatic to be at the beach...Way over do, I could never leave Cali. The beach is too important to me and my health! There's a sense of freedom and relaxation that I find the second my feet touch the sand. Sadly, we didn't spend much time on the beaches. I didn't let that bother me though; it wasn't really preferable beach weather. 

We ended up driving along a narrow highway that led us to thousands of beautiful trails in the mountains over-looking  the sea. 

short but sweet

Bi-polar and I needed to get out of the cold mountains and hit the Desert for a night. We found a cheap but nice hotel in Palm Springs. She ended up on her phone most of the night talking or more like fighting with her boyfriend. After her last phone call for the night, her mood went from happy&fun to sad&depressed instantly! (Hince the name) So we went out for drinks to unwind. We decided to walk and find a close bar rather than drive...those two don't mix well for me at all! We ended up not drinking much...I should have driven. The walk home was filled with anoying honks and drive-by's, wanting to give us 'a lift home'. The bar scene was basically the same; led us to leave early in the night. This was not the diversion I was looking for! The desert is filled with more creeps than I had imagined. 


The next morning was more peaceful. Breakfast by the pool, catched a much needed tanning session and headed to the mall. FINALLY!!!

Apr 10, 2010

Daily horoscope?...This EARLY morning!

The compassionate Pisces Moon softens the boundaries between individuals, challenging us to separate our emotions from what we pick up on from our invironment. A magical Mercury-Neptune quintile turns the volume to a higher level on our fantasies, tempting us to transform them into reality. But meanwhile, an anxious quincunx between assertive Mars and ruthless Pluto makes it tough to know how force full we should be as we attempt to make our dreams come true. ...

You may have big ideas about what you want to do later this year, but there seems to be so many potential obstacles now that you are tempted to give up before you even start your journey. If you are considering an educational opportunity, delay making your final decision until your current negativity passes. There's no reason to force the issue right away.

!?!?...The first part of this astrological view makes complete sense...Last night turned out to be amazing and fun;experimental. The second is odd to me; I've always been taught to have a goal and achieve it. The world doesn't need any more procrastinators! Why should I be waiting; What am I waiting for. This flip flop of ideals is not what I need right now universe!