Jun 23, 2010

It has almost been one year and I already need it touched up!!!
"Share the sunset with me."


Jun 16, 2010

I'm seeing stars within every left corner.
I remember going from 110 lbs at the age of 12 to 98 lbs at the age of 14.

Then I went from 98 to 120 till I was 18...  18+ I stayed a solid 115 lbs.

Now I'm down to 95 at the age of 21. 

~I lost 10 lbs in three days...
So much pain, I'm literally dying inside. The food that I can consume I can't keep down. 

I hate IVs.

Jun 15, 2010

This is how I feel right now.

Jun 14, 2010

Wisdom Teeth removed this morning. Going under was the most intense feeling I have ever experienced. Before the surgeon had time to tell me to start counting 10-1 I had already passed. I was told the average count was people made it to is 6.  Then I had to learn to walk again...couldn't, I was wheel chaired out to my car. lol.

Slept all day. Hopefully Ill sleep through the night. I'm scared to take any sleeping pills because the surgeon already has me on four different pills that are to be taken like clockwork.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow...OUCH!!!

Jun 12, 2010

OK, so now what!!!!?

The lighthearted New Moon activates your 7th House of Partners today, continuing to hold the spotlight on relationships. However, something seems different now that you are more willing to ask for what you want. Nevertheless, keep in mind that the quantity of words spoken is less important than the quality of what you say, so choose carefully. Express yourself as simply as you can and don't hesitate to begin again from the top if you get off to a bad start.

Jun 11, 2010

I didn't appreciate this picture at first...I did not know how to appreciate what I had or did not have then.

I've fallen in love with this picture on so many levels.

One being a quote from a potential loved one. ...   
"You're here one moment then you're lost in a day dream. There always seems to be something on your mind." 

~with that statementt I thought about this picture; dejavu!!!
I responded with, "yes, there is always someone on my mind and you know who that someone is." 

"OK, I've been there. I have experienced that. I will help you get through it or help you to achieve that dream." 


seriously!?!?...Oblivious. Yet, beautiful.
"I miss you."

I keep receiving these messages and wonder, why?.  Why can you tell me you miss me without showing me? 

And then I thought about it...OMG, I've been sending this same message to Him. I always thought it truly meant something till now.

He's taught me so much about life, some what in disguise...maybe because I've chosen not to listen; until now. I truly do miss what we had and I hope, still to this day, for more adventures to come. I've never felt so lost without him. He makes me feel complete...Well, until he is accomplishing something and then I'm pushed aside. This feeling is so difficult to understand.  At one moment I appreciate everything he is and what he is doing and then the next I feel left out; second rate; pushed aside-for the night or just for the summer. Either way, this is the most tough feeling to try to handle rationally by far.

Jun 9, 2010

I know it's silly...

I have a lot to learn and live through to experience what most are already trying to tell me. But if you know me, well  then you already know that I do not listen very well. I would rather live and experience through my own mistakes and happenings than avoid them and never experience them at all. 

I'd rather be in a monogamous relationship, filled with love trust and accomplishing something together, and know that it may or may not end in a few years, rather than in a 'partnership relationship' that keeps me guessing every night towards everyday; will he be home tonight? what are his plans for tomorrow? who will he bring home next? 

These questions only exist in a sane mind, right!? Especially if you're in love and give your entire world up for this one special soul. 

You're not trying to make it about sex, but they are...they aren't there for the pictures... and you continue to let them. ~well, most of them~

Jun 6, 2010

Hell's Kitchen

My day started out with dropping a salt container. I've never been superstitious, but as my day unraveled I may have just changed my view. I waited on a party of seven...only put six orders through! FUCK!!! Court 'reasured me'.

"It will be OK, Brian has threatened to  fire Justin,too."
~Yeah, that makes me feel better!!! 'my boss' & Sous Chef kinda made me feel better, but I won't feel better until Brian starts to talk to me again.

It was incredibly slow, but I was sent home early when 'my boss' was supposed to be the first one off.

I have been officially shunned.

Jun 2, 2010

R.I.P Jinx

                                                                     He's been gone for over a month now. I guess it's time to let go.  

My horoscopes are only becoming more surreal with time...                                                                                                                                                                                      You may feel as if you are lost in a dream today and don't know how to find your way back to reality. Fortunately, it's not necessarily a difficult situation because you can have a unique experience once you let go of control and enjoy it. Give yourself permission to have an amazing adventure, just like Alice in Wonderland. Don't worry; you'll be back in time to meet your obligations with a fantastic tale to tell.

You aren't interested now in undertaking a major project by yourself. Fortunately, your life is full of capable and well-educated people, so you expect it to be easy to find someone willing to work with you. Don't give up in your search for a business or personal partner now, even if everyone seems too busy or scattered. Accepting less than you want may seem wise, but it's even better to wait for the right person.