Aug 20, 2010

That's the beauty in secrecy...

it doesn't exist.
"...and heart ships un-numbered..." 

U still HAVE to watch this movie, Snorkel. ...With me!
 This, what I felt would only be a near mind escape,  book about love lust and... lost (    ;)    ) has turned into reality!?... not exactly my reality, but reality unjust.

Another "fary tale" ...

"Seth's feels like home. Seth feels like home."

"...things that made her feel real, black and white prints of photos from an exhibit in Pittsburgh."

" shot of the railroad... a train passing by-still made her smile."

"...even if she saw it through the lens, they never showed up on the film. Yet, she enjoyed the process of taking the photos enough that she was glad she'd tried the experiment." 
"Focus. Control."

Aug 18, 2010

Anything And Everything

"I didn't lie to you."

~"You didn't tell me the truth, either."    

No longer will I live through untrusted actions. It will never bring peace upon no body. Truth is the answer. Love is the cause. Life is the purpose.

OMG!...Amazing shot.

Snorkel, you are going to do amazing things with your life; I hope I will always be a part f it!
Thank You!. let's do this more often.
It's not up to us whether you survive this life you have been given...It's up to yourself.

Aug 13, 2010

1:07 am

I watched a simple shooting star dive into the deep blue sky... make a wish. Then moments later, ironically, I looked back up into the sky...and there it was; the star Snorkel told me about the night he arrived in the middle of nowhere!!! The largest shooting star I have ever witnessed; even in Alaska. It was bigger than seeing an airplane land in the same bright it lit up the entire sky. It left a trail behind as if a jet would, but flew through the sky in such a rapid speed I'm shocked that I was able to catch such beauty. 

"...I was just waiting to watch it land!"

...So was I.

Aug 12, 2010 is horrible

Yes...long distance relationships are hard

Yes...fighting for college classes is most difficult

...Yet, feeling like I may be letting my parents down is most painful.. I know they will always be there for me, but the way they have been treating me feels like I have been letting them down. They have pushed and have been very supportive, so now it's my turn to show them their hard work has paid off.  

Let the fear leave my monkey mind and just live. It's that simple. mind over matter!
I have been in and out of the hospital for the past few months due to stomach pains, dizziness, and tingling... with all the tests ran, after the nexium, he prescibed xanax!  I didn't want to try it; I'm tired of being their ginnie pig. But after my last episode this week I think I may try it. Before this last Tuesday I had no idea what was going on with my body...but now I think it's safe to say they are panic attacks.
I'm too young to be panicking!!!

This last episode was this week. I took Snorkel to the airport. When we got into LA he was directing me  where to go. The music was a little too loud and I missed his guide to get over to the right. I missed it and while I tried to merge cars started to fly by me. Ah! Then I suddenly noticed cars were surrounding me in every direction in stop and go traffic. I'm not a city driver... How the fuck am I gonna pull this off?  My stomach started to hurt. So I got off as quickly as i could and made him drive. When I stepped out of the car to switch positions my whole body started to tingle, I was so dizzy I didn't want to walk and my left arm felt so heavy that I couldn't move it. ...All the same feelings I get before I go into work, but never has it been so intense!!!
    This is how I feel right now.

Aug 7, 2010

Flick Your Cigarette and Kiss Me

He is fascinated by my cigarettes. If he's not off prancing on my falling ash, he follows and tries to catch the smoke dancing against the wind. 

Shere Khan...

My newest addition!...  Just another soul...another obligation to take care of, which I had zero desire for. Well, rationally, it's not up to me whether he succeeds through life or if he is  just passing through's up to him.
...I will no longer attach myself to anyone or anything.