Is this really how marriage...feels!?












Try the ring on before you wear it.

HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.

This is what my last birthday consisted of: Love, Friends, and those who have been lost in the process of life.

"It's MY birthday!!!...I can do whatever I want."   ...

These emotions go through everyone, but who actually takes the time to take a second to thank those who gave them life.? 

What about the mother who carried you for 9 months and lived through hours of the delivering process..(why anyone wants to deliver a part of them in to this world , I still wonder) ...? 

What about your parents who put up with each other long enough to conceive you?

What about the father who gave you encouragement at every ballet practice and dance recital?

What about the parents who gave you a shelter, clothes, love, and support for all of your years?

What about your brother who took you outback, into 'your secret hiding fort', when your dad was assaulting your mom.

What about your sister who talked to you about your parent's affair,' rationally', because she had one of her
own?

What about finding the love of your life who understands what you have been through.

What about sharing the past and growing a healthy future together.

I'd like to thank all who have played a magnificent part in my life. It is who YOU are that has made me who I am today.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

That's the beauty in secrecy...




it doesn't exist.

"...and heart ships un-numbered..." 


U still HAVE to watch this movie, Snorkel. ...With me!

 This, what I felt would only be a near mind escape,  book about love lust and... lost (    ;)    ) has turned into reality!?... not exactly my reality, but reality unjust.

Another "fary tale" ...

"Seth's feels like home. Seth feels like home."

"...things that made her feel real, black and white prints of photos from an exhibit in Pittsburgh."

"...one shot of the railroad... a train passing by-still made her smile."

"...even if she saw it through the lens, they never showed up on the film. Yet, she enjoyed the process of taking the photos enough that she was glad she'd tried the experiment." 
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"Focus. Control."

Anything And Everything

"I didn't lie to you."

~"You didn't tell me the truth, either."    


No longer will I live through untrusted actions. It will never bring peace upon no body. Truth is the answer. Love is the cause. Life is the purpose.

OMG!...Amazing shot.

Snorkel, you are going to do amazing things with your life; I hope I will always be a part f it!

Thank You!. let's do this more often.

It's not up to us whether you survive this life you have been given...It's up to yourself.

1:07 am

I watched a simple shooting star dive into the deep blue sky... make a wish. Then moments later, ironically, I looked back up into the sky...and there it was; the star Snorkel told me about the night he arrived in the middle of nowhere!!! The largest shooting star I have ever witnessed; even in Alaska. It was bigger than seeing an airplane land in the same town...so bright it lit up the entire sky. It left a trail behind as if a jet would, but flew through the sky in such a rapid speed I'm shocked that I was able to catch such beauty. 

"...I was just waiting to watch it land!"

...So was I.

Yes...work is horrible

Yes...long distance relationships are hard

Yes...fighting for college classes is most difficult

...Yet, feeling like I may be letting my parents down is most painful.. I know they will always be there for me, but the way they have been treating me feels like I have been letting them down. They have pushed and have been very supportive, so now it's my turn to show them their hard work has paid off.  

Let the fear leave my monkey mind and just live. It's that simple. mind over matter!

I have been in and out of the hospital for the past few months due to stomach pains, dizziness, and tingling... with all the tests ran, after the nexium, he prescibed xanax!  I didn't want to try it; I'm tired of being their ginnie pig. But after my last episode this week I think I may try it. Before this last Tuesday I had no idea what was going on with my body...but now I think it's safe to say they are panic attacks.
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I'm too young to be panicking!!!

This last episode was this week. I took Snorkel to the airport. When we got into LA he was directing me  where to go. The music was a little too loud and I missed his guide to get over to the right. I missed it and while I tried to merge cars started to fly by me. Ah! Then I suddenly noticed cars were surrounding me in every direction in stop and go traffic. I'm not a city driver... How the fuck am I gonna pull this off?  My stomach started to hurt. So I got off as quickly as i could and made him drive. When I stepped out of the car to switch positions my whole body started to tingle, I was so dizzy I didn't want to walk and my left arm felt so heavy that I couldn't move it. ...All the same feelings I get before I go into work, but never has it been so intense!!!

    This is how I feel right now.